Why Collaboration Feels Like Competition
Hierarchy, exclusion, and the messy reality of ‘community’
NOTE: If you’d like to have your work promoted on an episode, please read the invitation section near the bottom of this post. Details listed below.
SILENT STRUGGLES WITHIN ‘COMMUNITY’
Sometimes, as a creative person, I find it difficult to rest in simply sharing my work. Online spaces can feel over-saturated with independent content, self-help gurus, and endless advice about ‘how to succeed’ or ‘how to grow your audience’. And there’s always the reminder that just because you’re talented doesn’t mean your work will get the recognition or attention it deserves.
Creating for yourself is one thing. I actually know many private, hobbyist artists who are happy in that space. But, if I’m honest, I don’t want my art to stay private. I want the time I spend pushing through, trying to capture a moment in raw, authentic expression, to be valued.
I also wonder how true collaboration is supposed to look as an adult. It was easier in school, where environments were designed to foster teamwork to complete assignments. Now, outside of that bubble, it feels like people lean toward competition. A lot of people want to be number one, to have their own thing, which makes combining ideas feel threatening. Somehow one person will end up feeling small or someone needs to be ‘the head’.
I keep asking myself: How do we co-lead? How do we invite partnership instead of falling into ‘you work for me’ dynamics? How do we better support diversity in creation? Who are we overlooking but not helping?
It’s like choosing to invest in Walmart instead of a small local business when they carry the same product. Meaning, as consumers, we fund what’s already popular and convenient. Transparently, I’m guilty of it too. We often treat exposure or visibility as a measure of worth, showing favoritism toward what’s shiny, ignoring what’s quieter, less known, but just as meaningful.
That idea brings me to James 2:1-4, which speaks about favoritism. But it’s not just a church problem — it’s universal. Even in church, hierarchies often determine whose gifts get recognized. In college, I visited many churches where if you weren’t ‘in favor’ with the pastor or a family, you couldn’t exercise your gifts. You were stuck in volunteer roles that benefited the church itself rather than your own growth *(all labeled as ‘servanthood’).
The same pattern appears in other spaces: local organizations, non-profits, companies. It becomes the cycle of the haves and the have-nots. A few get all the access, recognition, or opportunity, while the rest are left on the sidelines or killing themselves to keep up in a system that isn’t designed for them anyway. Often, it’s not about hard work alone but about ‘who you know’. That definitely gets exhausting, surely does feel fake, and overall it’s discouraging.
So what happens? Everyone starts doing their own thing. And that’s understandable! Why wait to be seen? Especially, when there are too many tools available to remain hidden. Consequently, the result is a gap in true collaboration. Sometimes, I’ve made a lane for the misfits, only to find that the people I invite in don’t want to share the work or leadership. They want the credit but not the effort.
Going back to church, especially in revival-focused communities, people measure success by how many belong to ‘my church’ or ‘my Bible study’. Leadership becomes more about exclusivity than community. Planning events, maintaining attention and favor, rejecting anything unfamiliar . . . again, the same patterns repeat.
I’m just tired of it. People constantly promote ‘you need community’, but what does that actually mean? The dictionary says community is:
A group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.
A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.
Yet, the practice tends to fall short. We are told to join, to participate, to collaborate but why? Do you really have to ‘play the game’? What some people teach as strategy is just flat out manipulation. Stop using people as resources and actually invest in relational wealth. There I said it. Not just for you, but for my own convictions as well.
And if you’re wondering . . . Yes, there are people to help us along on the journey without always having deep intimacy or closeness. But, do you actually care about the person, not just what they provide? Or is it really all about your needs? When you take, is there anything you can offer back? It may not be something monetary or physical. However, a simple ‘thank you’, ‘I see you’, ‘I appreciate you’; lending your time, ear, or wisdom goes a long way. Ask someone how they’re really doing beyond the work or moment. See the soul. Again, not just the strategy.
We lack connection and it shows. How can we change that?
MY INVITATION TO YOU
I want to better support the talents and initiatives of the people around me. Although I’m one person, I will try my best to engage with everyone.
Please share at least one digital project such as an article, video, post, podcast episode, or creative piece that you want more engagement, feedback, or review on.
Three ways to share (your preference):
In the The Archives [Group] chat here
In the comment section of this post
I’m so excited! If you’re open, I’d love to promote your work on the next episode of Ara’s Archives too. I am also open to collaborating on other ideas if you have any.
Just let me know!
Until then,
ARA
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Mmmmm. HMMMMMM. Was waiting for this to drop! 😁
“Combining ideas feel threatening...” This line—this paragraph—hit a nerve. I experience this! GUILTY! I am also influenced by "what is the most popular." I try playing that kind of game with myself... and it always leaves me empty of love and full of jealousy and feelings of failure.
Reading this made me think... What if I dared to be secure enough in my identity to freely collaborate and co-create? To accept that my toes will get stepped on, and I will probably step on toes? Could that be the start of practicing messy, creative community? A community where friendships are overflowing mercy, not ego? Well, you have exhibited this toward me.
When you fully embrace your gifting, as you are doing here, I see your identity in Christ shine. And I look at the competitive, egotistical part of my mind and tell her, "I don't want to compete with that. I want to enjoy it as completely as I can. And trust that I will be seen and enjoyed, too."
Easier said than done, of course 😅 But I am moving towards it. More mercy, more togetherness; less ego, less division.
P.S. I love your bold call to action here, and I am thinking over how I might respond to that...